Into Love

I'm about to testify to the greatest miracle I've ever personally witnessed and to which I can hold up no doubt in the world because it happened right here within me. First, let me tell you what it is; then I'll tell you what it means. During a period of prayer and fasting, I was asking for two things: to be closer to Him, and that He would make me whole. In response,

He made me into love.

That's the only way I know how to put it. I became love at His touch. I walked in love, I looked around and saw through the eyes of love, it went on for days, and sometimes I can even still get there now. I saw people as love sees people, and I felt toward other human beings as I'd never been able to before.

Perhaps with a little background I can attempt to do some justice to the sheer magnitude of this miracle.


I've always hated children. People would say to me, "well you were a child once, too," to which I would reply, "yes, and that's why I hate them!" To me, no child was ever cute; when people would show me baby pictures I'd smile and feign affection but would feel utter disgust. When I saw a child I'd be overtaken by an instant, gripping, all-consuming urge to get away from it somehow, even if it wasn't screaming or misbehaving. If the child were of a different race or of the opposite gender, that could help my disposition a little, but seeing any child would set me into a blazing fury (often of expletives). A family with four or more children would make me physically nauseated. I won't even talk about how I felt about women getting pregnant, especially "by accident." I had a zero-tolerance policy for procreation in general.

You can see where this was coming from, yes? A therapist once told me, "There are some people in the world who simply should not have children. Unfortunately, your mother was one of those people."


After the Lord made me into love, all that attitude, all that hatred and anger, all that hurt just wasn't anywhere to be found. It's as though I looked inside myself and only saw a vacant storefront with a "For Lease" sign in the place all that pain and rage used to live. No forwarding address: just gone.

My spouse was the one first to pick up on the miracle. I'd been standing in line at a sandwich shop for about a half an hour waiting to get said spouse some food (this was during the time I was fasting) and there was this huge group of people with like eighteen zillion sandwich orders just ahead of me. I was standing there loving everyone, in awe of this new gift from Him, and everyone I saw made me smile and glow warmly.

I put in my order, got the food, and when I got back to the car my spouse said, "I'm so sorry you had to wait that obscenely-long amount of time in line, and with all those children around, you must've been going crazy!" I hadn't thought about it while I was in there, but there had been maybe 5 or 7 children in the huge party in front of me and I hadn't noticed a thing. I simply loved everyone I saw, like it was the most natural thing in the world, and somehow that included children.


Everything's different now. People being angry at each other puzzles me now. I can still get annoyed or frustrated, but I no longer spontaneously experience the pure, seething hatred I'd sometimes feel toward others (in traffic, for example). I mean, if I dig for the hatred and trigger it I can get to it, but I'm no longer seeing it through my own eyes; that whole deal now belongs to someone who doesn't exist anymore, so the emotion feels a little like stale bread tastes (if that makes any sense). Even my expletives are getting replaced by harmless, hate-free words.

And the only way I know how to even attempt to explain this incredible, instantaneous shift in my perspective, my outlook, my world-view, and even my knee-jerk reactions to certain stimuli, is to give glory to His hand at work.

I don't believe I would've been in a right place to receive this miracle if I hadn't worked through an issue of forgiveness that I had (problem stated in To Forgive, 3/6/09, and resolution described in Treasure Revealed, 3/17/09); of course, God's miracle would have stood no matter what state I was in, but I feel that my having found forgiveness through Him is what enables His gift of love to continue on in me to this day.

Walking in love -- as love -- is an experience that provokes a turn of phrase I've used before when He's intervened and changed my life: it's as though I'm now on a slightly different planet from the one I was on before. To Him be the glory, thanks, and praise!

Ephesians 5:1-2 (ESV)

1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children;

2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up
for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.


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